A carefully constructed ritual prepares the ground, creates the atmosphere, suggests the mood and predisposes the mind so that the spiritually hopeful may easily detach from the world and feel a connection with the infinite.

Dancing                                                                                                                                                             Dance is a crucial part of many Church of the Volcano God ceremonies. Not organized dancing with steps and moves and a set pattern, oh no. We're talking about wild dancing, primal dancing, expressing the joy in your heart with the movement of your body. Freeing —with the assistance of the sacrament of rum— your inner jungle native. Waving your arms in the air, jumping, hopping, stepping, stomping, wiggling your shoulders, shaking your ass and moving your pelvis just like Elvis. If you have to think about what you're doing next, you're not in the proper spirit; drink more rum.  

Rum                                                                                                                                                                     More than just an intoxicating spirit made from sugar cane, rum is a holy sacrament in the Church of the Volcano God. Rum sweeps the mind clean, opens up the doors of consciousness and exposes the truth of things, and the truth of people. It forces us to drop whatever façade we hide behind, to toss away our psychological and spiritual security blanket. Rum restores one to an innocent state of being, a more honest, pure, natural state of being. Rum can be mixed in any number of delicious beverages, all of which are acceptable to the Volcano God. The Volcano God is secure enough to drink a fruity rum drink with a tiny umbrella in it, and you should be, too. In the absence of rum, tequila may be used.

Some of our members use other distilled spirits in their ceremonies. That's acceptable, but rum is considered the standard

Cigars                                                                                                                                                                   Whether it's a Panatela, a Robusto, a Julieta, a Grande Corona or a lowly Swisher Sweet, the Volcano God loves a good cigar. A cigar is often left smoldering in a special dish in the shrine as an offering, and cigars are routinely smoked at various ceremonies.

Music                                                                                                                                                                           We generally play Samba music during Church of the Volcano God ceremonies. The beat is rhythmic, pounding and primal. The lyrics, what few there are, are in a language we don't understand (most Samba is from Brazil, where the language is Portuguese). If you can listen to really good Samba without dancing like a drunken monkey, you must be a paraplegic or dead. We also recommend polynesian, afro-caribbean, afro-latino, and some reggae music. 

However, the Church of the Volcano God is your church, so feel free to listen to anything you enjoy as long as it has a powerful, primitive beat and few, if any lyrics. If it makes you want to get up and move your body with wild, reckless abandon it's probably OK.

Clothing                                                                                                                                                           What's the most bright, colorful, wild item of clothing in your closet? In larger ceremonies, and weekly worship (although not necessarily during our Daily Invocation/Devotionals), we wear clothing that is so bright it can potentially cure the blind. Aloha shirts, tropical sarong dresses, flowers, feathers, even facepaint if you wish. It enlivens the senses and adds to the festive, dizzy, chaotic atmosphere of our ceremonies.

The Shrine of the Volcano God                                                                                                                         In the home of every member, there exists a shrine, a mini-altar dedicated to the Volcano God. Much like Hindu household shrines, the Volcano God's shrine is meant to help one think of divinity in the midst of day-to-day life. It generally consists of a small dish to place offerings of flowers, candy, and money in, another dish to place the Volcano God's ceremonial cigar in (preferably made of glass or some other fireproof material to reduce the danger of burning down the house), and a small, shot-sized glass to pour the Volcano God's ceremonial rum or coffee in. There should also be at least one pictorial or sculptural representation of the Volcano God. The shrine may be as ornate, or as plain, as the member wishes; the Volcano God isn't picky.

Offerings should be removed and discarded at the end of every day (except a representative offering, as the one used in the Ritual of Want), and the shrine should be cleaned.

Offerings                                                                                                                                                                     The Volcano God appreciates offerings from his followers, and a well thought out offering is a sure way to win his favor. Or maybe not. Making frequent offerings of pocket change, candy, flowers, rum, cigars, or black coffee are part of the symbolic rituals of the church. A small offering is needed at least once a day, but it doesn't need to be large; just a wee drop of your morning coffee is enough. Larger offerings, such as a cigar or a shot of rum don't have to be given on any sort of a regular basis, but the Volcano God will really like you if you do it fairly often.

Invoking the Spirit of the Volcano God (Daily Devotional)                                                                     This is a daily ritual. Try to perform the Invocation at the same time every day; the Volcano God appreciates consistency. Begin by placing an offering in the Volcano God's shrine; a wee drop of coffee (The Volcano God takes it black) in the ceremonial glass, maybe a drop of rum, or some loose change, a single flower, a cigar or even a cigarette. Prostrate yourself before the altar and say…

"Wise and Mighty Volcano God, I invoke your presence, I invoke your spirit. I call on you to attend your humble servant and friend (your name). I make today an offering of (whatever your offering is), in the hope that it will please you and you will bestow your blessings upon me (feel free to add "and my family" or "and my special friend", or…) and accompany me (us) on my (our) daily journeys. Help me (us) find happiness and keep me (us) from harm."

Wait a few seconds and say, "The Volcano God grants his permission."

If you made an offering of a cigar or a cigarette, now is a good time to stub it out. That's it; you've invoked the spirit of the Volcano God and performed your daily devotional.

Weekly Worship                                                                                                                                             Saturday Evening is the time we set aside for our weekly worship ceremonies. The Volcano God shows a kindness to his followers by not wanting them to suffer through work on Monday if they overindulge on Sunday; hence, Saturday is his Holy Day. Like most of the ceremonies and rituals in the Church of the Volcano God, our Saturday worship is entirely free form and members are welcome to tailor the ceremony to their specific desires and individual tastes. All members of the church should be gathered together for Weekly Worship. Music may be played, but keep the volume low-ish until it's time to dance in celebration.

Since this is the Volcano God's 'big day', we conduct the Weekly Worship ceremony in our brightest, most colorful clothes, gaudiest baubles, and most beautiful flowers. Rum and cigars should be at the ready.

Begin, as with any Church of the Volcano God ceremony, by invoking the spirit of the Volcano God. Place an offering in the Volcano God's shrine. This is a once-a-week ceremony, so you can easily afford to be generous; a bit of rum and a cigar are traditional, but the Volcano God will understand if you are too broke to make a more suitable offering (although he may not be happy about it). The member conducting the ceremony (if no priest/priestess has been ordained, draw straws to see who gets to conduct the ritual. If it's just you, that makes the choice even easier) prostrates himself/herself before the altar and says…

"Wise and Mighty Volcano God, I invoke your presence, I invoke your spirit. I call on you to attend your humble servant and friend (your name) and all of your assembled followers. Today, on your Holy Day, I make an offering of (whatever your offering is, traditionally a cigar), in the hope that it will please you and you will bestow your blessings upon us and accompany us on our journeys throughout the coming week. Help us find happiness and keep us from harm."

"I share with you a drop of rum (at this point, all in attendance drink a small shot of rum, and a bit is poured into the Volcano God's ceremonial glass) and ask for your blessings. Make us strong, make us wise, make us loving and loved. We celebrate the life we have been granted and the opportunity to live another glorious day."

All in attendance now drink another shot of rum. Now is the time of the Weekly Worship when we get a bit verbose.  Everyone sits in a circle. The priest/priestess can speak for 15-20 minutes about some aspect of the Church of the Volcano God, or just a general discussion about the Church. Or the assembled members can discuss the 6-or-8 Suggestions, or discuss the metaphorical significance of out tenet "The Volcano God grants his permission". Just wing it. Don't go on too long, you still want to have enough enthusiasm for what comes next.

Now, the person conducting the ceremony again prostrates himself/herself before the altar and says…

"We now dance in celebration!"

Then comes the music and the dancing. Lots of dancing. Dance with wild abandon. Dance to express all of the joy in your heart. Dance like a drunken monkey. Dance until you're exhausted or it just isn't fun anymore. After the dancing has clearly reached it's end, turn off the music and rest a few moments. Once everyone has caught their breath, everyone should drink another shot of rum. Again the priest/priestess or member conducting the ceremony kneels before the altar.

"Wise and mighty Volcano God, we leave your company now, knowing that your presence is with us always. Guide us and keep us. As you see the good in us, let us see the good in the world. Until again we meet."

Wait a few seconds and say, "The Volcano God grants his permission."

The Weekly Worship ceremony, at least the more formalized portion of it, is concluded. Normally the members will share a meal, perhaps some additional rum, and fellowship. Maybe more dancing.

Please remember— and the importance of this cannot be stressed enough —do not ever allow any member to drive an automobile or a motorcycle if they have indulged in too much of the holy sacrament of Rum. Take their keys and duct tape them to your sofa if need be; any risk to our brothers and sisters is a risk to all of us and to the Church of the Volcano God.

SPECIAL RITUALS

The Ritual of Want                                                                                                                                         Everyone wants something from their God; happiness, health, money, love, a pair of shoes that don't pinch their feet…whatever. The Volcano God can possibly help fulfill one's desires. Maybe. But the Volcano God isn't Santa Claus, and it's not just a matter of offering up a cigar and a drop of rum and saying, "Wise and mighty Volcano God, I've been very good and I want a pony."

We believe wishing, wanting, hoping and praying for something with enough clarity of focus can effect slight changes in physical reality, can influence external conditions. The Volcano God's Ritual of Want clarifies an individual's goals, separates the true, obtainable goals from the pipe dreams, increases self-confidence, and dispels doubts. Is it a paranormal act of tapping into some mysterious force in the universe and manipulating it to your own benefit? Or does the mental act of focusing and concentrating on set goals force one to dynamically participate in accomplishing them? We believe it's the latter, although the former might be plausible as well.

This ritual is best conducted in the evening, under low light, and in private. As you begin the ritual, think of what it is that you really want.

Please, be realistic; no "I want to rule the world" or "I want to sleep with this-or-that movie star" bullshit; that just makes the Volcano God think you're an idiot. Write down an achievable goal. "I want a raise" or "I want that guy in the Research Department to notice me" or even "I want a '69 Mustang Fastback". Find a representation of whatever it is you desire; a photo, a miniature replica, even a crude drawing. Place this item, picture, or whatever in the Volcano God's offering dish, along with a special offering (a really beautiful flower, a good cigar, a piece of imported chocolate, a bit of good booze, etc.) prior to starting the ritual.

Now, write down on a slip of paper what it is you want; write it three times. Concentrate on what you're writing; mumble it aloud if you need to.

Roll the slip of paper into a tight little tube. Kneel before the shrine of the Volcano God. Light a white candle and place it on the shrine. Focus on the flame for a few minutes while concentrating on what it is you want…only on what it is you want; push all other thoughts out of your mind. When you're ready, say…

"Wise and Mighty Volcano God, I invoke your presence, I invoke your spirit. I call on you to attend your humble servant and friend (your name). I make today an offering of (whatever your offering is), in the hope that it will please you, and you will bestow your blessings upon me.

I come before you today asking a gift, a token of your esteem and affection. Wise and Mighty Volcano God, I want with all of my heart (clearly and succinctly state what it is you desire). I affirm that, with your kind assistance, I will do all that I am able to help fulfill this wish. I offer my thanks and my praise."

Now, using the candle flame, light the paper with your wish on it. Place it in the fireproof dish in the Volcano God's shrine and let it burn completely. If it smolders out, re-light it. Watch the smoke as it drifts away. When the paper has been reduced to ashes, say, in a booming, theatrical voice…

"The Volcano God grants his permission."

Repeat the ritual two more times, over the next two evenings. See what happens. Remember the Volcano God is not a wish-granting machine; you'll need to do whatever you can on your end to help your wish to be fulfilled.